Paint away, wipe it away

So that's the way it goes for me lately....

I've just spent the entire evening, putting paint on a small 8 x 10 canvas, and delicately creating intricate patterns, and getting to something I like......... then changing a bit here, smearing a bit there, and woops........

I got a bit carried away, and wiped it all away.

Fear.

Yup.

I've been afraid for years of my own paint - of my own paintings - of my own artwork. Expectations are a bitch.

And then - a whole evening of work - and a few really cool paintings....... and none of them are here anymore...............

They were something, anyway......... nothing there - nothing tangible. Of course not.

If I were to actually make something that looks realistic, then that would be more of me having to fulfill expectations......

So let's just have some fun, like a child........ smearing paint together into an amorphous blob of brown as the pigments fuse into one color......

Does a child fear this?

Does a child love the brown mess?

I know I do.

I have fun smearing my fingers around in the paint - doing nothing but moving through a sensual, cool, party of colors...........

So that's today.

Today I took a step.

I put paint on canvas.................

and then I smeared it away............