Waking up without Christmas

So this is Christmas, but I would not know, other than the fact that I feel something missing inside. I awoke earlier than normal today, with only a few hours sleep.... possibly sensing the electricity in the air, coming from the homes all around me. But there is none within our walls - it is only hollow here.

It's not that we don't believe in Christmas in this home, I mean - the act of celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ... and - well - it's not that I don't believe in Santa, either.

As a child - this was the most special day of the year for me.....

This is the day dreams came true.

I remember a time, when living was done with thwarted temptation.... when desires for material possessions were put on hold - indefinitely. Wealth was elusive. Excess was not a part of our way.

I would count down the days with the greatest excitement I have ever known... I had a string of bells - all attached to a long line of felt...... it was green, with twenty five silver bells each with a single, untied string of red yarn. As a day dawned..... I could tie a string at the top of another bell - announcing the arrival of another day closer to Christmas morning!

You see, then.... I remember waiting all year for that one special time when I could receive gifts and toys I could not receive any other time of year... And you know - I can't even sit here today and say that it was because we couldn't afford to buy more gifts or toys during the year.... because we could. It was simply a different time then. It was a time when we chose to live more simply. And that simple life, allowed the magic of Christmas to shine through.

It was because of our ways during the rest of the year, that the morning of Christmas was so special. So in that sense - yes, I would say Santa is really watching, who's bad and who's nice.... and the true rewards are with those who sacrifice.

And that is a word I'm not sure many of us live with anymore..... I don't think many children understand the word, as we have all experienced such an influx of material wealth over the past few generations. With each successive generation, we have bought more, and appreciated less. And sadly, as a result, we have lost the magic of what was once, my most celebrated day of the year.

How can we appreciate the love of giving, when we have already grabbed all we ever desired?

If this day, is a day to celebrate the birth of a man who sacrificed his life for us - for all of us...... how are we to know anything close to the joy of receiving, if we cannot even live without desired possessions over the year? And sadder than missing the joy of receiving, is what the gift givers miss - when they have to dig ever deeper into their savings, or rather, these days - their credit - to witness that sparkle in someone's eye when they finally receive that one incredible gift they could never have before.

One.

One incredible gift.

Can we even comprehend that nowadays?

Can we even imagine giving a child one special gift on Christmas morning?

I don't think so.... I certainly can't. When I think of it - all I can see is disappointment in his eyes..... as he wonders - why isn't there more?

I am not really sure why I am even thinking of all this.... or rather - why I am here typing all of this for the world to read. I do know what made me think of it....

I awoke to a morning, without a Christmas tree.... without Christmas music.... and without wrapped presents...... and for the first time in my life..... a year where I didn't buy a single gift for anyone. My husband, still asleep in bed.... and my mother-in-law upstairs in her bedroom alone, probably planning to spend this day just like any other.... all had me missing that feeling I remember having as a child..... that feeling I know we can all have, every day of our lives.

I just couldn't shake the memory of last night.... as I washed dishes after dinner......

My mother-in-law, a Korean immigrant and Catholic, asked somewhat cynically, "Why do people celebrate Christmas?"

Lost in my feelings of materialism, overwhelmed by upward spiraling corporate driven greed, and the subsequent desire to get out of the system, I agreed with her rhetorical question. We all mumbled a bit about the ridiculousness of it all, and went back to our normal lives..... void of a celebration typical of a Christmas Eve.

It was only this morning, when I woke up, and realized....

I have an answer to that question.

Although many of us have lost our way.... I know why we celebrate Christmas. I have lived it. I have felt it. We celebrate Christmas because of the magic.... because so many of us can share a common thread for one time of year.... and feel a sense of kinship as we walk by another person, and wish them a Merry Christmas with a smile.

Even today, that sense of kinship and community is something we still miss in this world, even though it is something we all still desire. That common thread, is something we all still sacrifice.

So here's a Christmas wish I have for Santa.... and I'm giving him plenty of time to work on this for me........... and even if it is just a little bit each year, I'll know he's done everything he can to make this dream a reality.

I wish for more kinship in our world..... more of a sense of belonging to our local communities.... more of a sense of friendship among our families, and most of all - a common purpose among our nations.

It is long enough that we all have sacrificed this gift of our lives.

I believe it is time we wake up to the day of our dreams.

May we all, in Jesus' name I pray.

Merry Christmas to all.......

Amen.